Walking, finally

It's been a long while since I've written here.

Yes, I have regained my ability to walk with both my legs. On top of that, breaking some sweat in the gym.

Although I am not back to my full fitness but I am progressing towards it. Slowly, but surely. Along the way I have met many great people. Some still cannot take off their mind that I can actually walk. Just because the first few times they met me, I was on crutches. Pfft.

Nevertheless, I have many people to thank, from the bottom of my heart. Many who helped me along the way. Many who motivated me and supported me physically and mentally.

Well, of course, it is all not sugar spice and everything nice. Some disappointment were apparent along the way. But as Rumi says, 'Your task is not to find love, it is to find the barrier you have built it against yourself.'

I didn't make much sense.

Anyway, back to work. Will find more time to update on my progress to fitness.

Currently pressing 47kgs, squatting 60kgs and dead lifting 55 kgs.

15 weeks

It took me 15 weeks to finally use both my legs again.

I cannot be any more grateful.

Although I am not 100% fit yet. But I took my first steps.

Life has changed.

Almost there

Been busy... been very busy....

Or... just lazy.

Anyhow, this space needs an update.

From freewheel cycling in the beginning, now I'm walking with both legs (with the aid of one crutch), and doing calf raises standing up.

Feels good to be able to do something familiar after not doing it for 3 months.

The only thing setting be back is the pain in my feet and toes. And recently, my right knee feels sore, heavy and tight. Maybe due to the sudden weight bearing on my bad leg.

Hope all is well.

Progress

The recovery is taking a slow, but steady journey.

I've been instructed to continue adding more weight on my bad leg as long as there are no pain felt.

Also, I'm starting to feel the muscles working especially the calf and the quad. It felt so good to finally work them as they were almost nonexistent for the past couple of months.

Fingers crossed, I hope I'll be walking by the end of this month.

Pain in the.... feet

Its been more than a week I've suffered from a numb and painful feet.

Hope this is a phase of recovery and it'll be over real soon.

My sleep has been upside down and I need to get it back to normal soon.

Other than that, right knee and ankle are still swollen. Gonna be careful with it.

2 weeks post surgery now, 4 weeks to go (hopefully) before I can walk again.

Fingers crossed.

Happy feet

The feet is suffering some severe periodical sharp pain.

It tingles, tingles, and hurts like fuck. Sharp, sharp pain around the feet and toes area. Then it goes away for a while, and then the pain comes back.

Hope this pain will not be lasting, as it is disturbing my sleep at night.

First weekend revisit

Weekends are always the hardest time to endure.

The withdrawal from hanging out with friends during the weekend is monstrous.

Also, I'm having a little problems with sudden and sharp pains in my feet. Can't tell if they were joint pain or just random pain caused by I don't know what.

FML

Day 1 physio

Physio was overall pretty good.

Well, to be fair, it was my first time going for physiotherapy, so I wouldn't know how to differentiate the good from the bad.

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed the session and was pretty satisfied.

Main observations today are the reduced swelling around the calf and shin area. Also the improved mobility of the knee. I can almost lock my knee straight. Almost.  And I can bend way pass 90 degress.

But. The swell on the knee is still very obvious. Let's see what happens over the weekend.

On other note, doctors appointment is ob Monday. I'm pretty excited to see how my wound looks like now. And also would want to find out more information about my rehabilitation and recovery.

Also, something weird today arised. I am feeling some sharp, but short pain all around my bad leg. Don't know what is the cause of it but let's hope it's no big deal.

Morning sickness

Forgive the title.

I woke up with a pretty bad ache on my knee and shin. The pain is kind of everywhere and I couldn't pin point its exact location. But it doesn't feel like it is the incisions.

I wonder is it because that I have been skipping the pain killers recently. Maybe I should be back on them until a later period where the swelling and pain subsides.

Day 1, again

Finally, after 5 days of uncomfortable bed, unfamiliar toilet, 7-channel-only 28 inch tele,  I am home.

And my road to recovery begins. Again.

Reboot

I hate that word, reboot.

After an extremely eventful surgery 2 days ago. Including my first epidural, waking up during procedure, I am (hopefully) recovering well.

The doctor has removed the old crooked plate, and inserted an interlocking pin to hold my bones in place and tight. 

Well now all I can do is rest, and more rest. Make sure this time I don't do anything stupid. 

2nd round

No. The absence of posting is not that I have recovered.

In fact, I have to go thru the same pain and agony all over again due to a fall and a nonunion bone.

Basically, I have to remove the existing plate, and insert an interlocking pin thru the tibia to hold it firm.

To be honest, I was pretty depressed when I found out that I have to go thru all the pain again. But having a supportive family and awesome friends, I shouldn't be depressed at all. In a few turn of events, the weekend made me smile again.

I am not looking forward to another surgery but if this is something that I have to go thru in order to regain fitness and etc, I'll do it.

Wish me luck. Wish me well.

Week 7

Post surgery 7 weeks now.

I was very confident of my recovery until the fall 5 days ago.

But the pain and swell has subsided and I feel alright now.

I hope they are though.

On top of that, there are a lot of weird never felt before sensation in the ankle,  and tibia area. Hopefully they are just muscle or ligaments movement.

All I can hope is that the fall on Tuesday did not have any effect on my recovery. And that the x ray this coming Wednesday will bring me positive results.

I am already dreaming about walking!

Fingers crossed.

Fallen again

Quick tweet-esque post:

I landed on my bad leg, again. I shall refrain from beer from now on until I recover.

Fallen

Today.

I fell.

Landed on my bad leg.

Fuck.

Work out withdrawal

Just realized I have not updated for almost a week.

There is little to no progress on my recovery now. At least on surface level. Hopefully my bones are joining and growing stronger each day.

Besides patiently waiting for the day I could walk again, I really miss piling on those plates on the barbell and workout those muscle and master those movement.

The lack of muscle aches for 2 months now is killing me.

Hope I'll be back to the plank soon.

Bali? No Bali.

I officially cancelled my dive trip to Bali today.

I was in a relatively good mood these few days.

Today, I feel as sad as the first day.

Chicken leg

It is getting more and more obvious. My right leg is significantly a lot thinner than my left.

Everytime I look at it. My heart sinks.

Hurdle

So I did my 2nd x-ray after my surgery.

Hoping for the best.

But it is not always the case, no?

I compared the 2 x-ray films side by side, a month apart in time frame.

I see... the same thing.

Doctor claimed that there were slight improvement in one part of the tibia, but not significant enough to allow me to put any weight on my bad leg.

I shouldn't have expected so much, thinking that I will heal in one month. Where every other article tells me it takes around 2 months to be able to start walking again.

All those excitement is now flushed down to nothing.

Back to square one now.

Next scheduled x-ray is 3 weeks from now. All I can do is to be extremely patient, and hope for the best but expect the worst.

30 days of pain

It was long over due.

To relax.

We changed our cloths, style our hair, and went for breakfast. Then, all hell broke lose.

The initial plan was to have breakfast, lunch, tea and coffee, drinks, dinner, more drinks, and stay up for the world cup final at 3am.

We managed to do almost all, except staying up for the game, lunch, and dinner.

3 grown straight men, stared at and talked to each other for a good 13 hours straight. If anyone didn't know us better, would think we are gay.

I'm not homophobic, disclaimer here.

We took off to town after a heavy but relatively unsatisfying breakfast for some coffee and soul searching chat. Which lasted far longer than anyone of us expected. Good chat though, lots of insight evaluation of what a man would, and can be. If you get what I mean.

When caffeine high kicked in, we needed to continue doing something and headed to Changkat. Taps beer bar to be precise. A place the guys chose for some certain significant memory. What a night it was.

So we had some beer there, hopped around Changkat for more beer, and before I know it, I was already drinking as if I was fit. I totally forgotten about my broken leg. I broke all promises I made to myself not to do, in one evening.

But, it was fun. Great catching up. Great chat.

And a visitor.

I am eternally grateful for the friends I have.

Day 22

Had a great chat with 2 of my closest friends. 

Something that will haunt me for a long ass time.

Week 3

What is the most difficult thing to handle at this stage of the recovery? 

Emotions.

This is the time when the wound, internal or external does not cause extreme discomfort. But, the bad leg is still unusable.

Many times I forgot and almost used my bad leg. Well, good thing is that I've not put full weight on the bad leg before realising. 

As the date of my cancelled trip draws nearer, I get more and more depressed. I'm already 11 months out from the ocean and who knows how long I need to be able to get back on the compressed air again.

Well, I guess all I can do is be strong. Be brave. Afterall, whatever don't kill you makes you stronger.

Weekend rant

This broken leg has really taken a toll on me. I feel lile I am semi-destroyed.

Last night I mistakenly got up from bed using my bad leg. Bad mistake. Immediately collapsed as I could immediately felt the weak spot in that bad leg.

I can't even perform simple tasks. Makes me feel so fucking useless. I don't like to feel useless. I need to be walking. I need to be in control of my free willing body.

I need motivation. I need to be strong. I need to learn to overcome obstacles during my darkest hours.

Day 15

My right calf is significantly smaller than the left.

I wonder what will happen when I fully recover.

2nd follow up

Stitches were taken out today. Another baby step to recovery.

Been hearing some bad news from various sources though. Lower limps take 12 to 24 weeks to heal.

Really fucks me up a little bit.

Day 13

Extremely excited today.

For a few reasons.

I am going to be out tomorrow! Although it just a trip to the hospital for my second follow up, but the idea of going out makes my blood rushing.

Another reason to be excited is... well, actually more afraid than excited. The stitches are to be removed tomorrow.

I have absolutely no idea how is it going to be like, or how is it going to feel like. And more importantly,  do I need to go through another stint of strict recovery regime? 

Well, all I can do now is hope it'll be fine.

2 weeks tomorrow.

Erics Wedding

No, I did not attend any wedding.

I just could not take the risk and go to a banquet filled with hundreds of people.

This is my most crucial recovery period, I have to take the best care I could. I am determined to be fit again, this is the sacrifice I'm gonna make.

But hey, who on earth am I kidding. I am so depressed that I have to endure this mental torture, not knowing if I can recover to 100% of my usual fitness level.

Nevertheless, I will try. And I will succeed.
Just a few more weeks then I should be able to start my physiotherapy and in no time, I will be able to walk, drive, run, workout, and ultimately, get back on the field and fly down the wing sending in deadly crosses.

Hopefully.

Deep sigh.

Another weekend approaching

The swell around the surgical wound is coming down rapidly. Blood clods are also smearing.

Ankle mobility has also improved but at a very slow pace. The swell around the ankle is still significant to limit my foots mobility.

If this wasn't bad enough, my car has run out of battery. It won't start.

Also, the weekend is here. More importantly,  Erics wedding. Gutted that I have to give that a miss.

The best recovery day till date

Self explanatory.

:)

Follow up: 1

Went to the hospital for my first follow up today.

After a long hospital stay and home arrest, I finally managed to see some sunlight.

Some. Sunlight.

Fucking hazy today.

Scar looked good today. No bleeding, only slight redness.

Some slight set back though, mobility improvement has hit a halt. Guess I should take a break of a day or 2 from trying to improve my ankle mobility.

Other than that, I'm extremely happy to be out and be breathing fresy air. Er, hazy air.

Looking forward to be going out again.

First accident

Almost at the end of my first weekend being home-bound, my first accident.

After a satisfying shower, I make my way to the bed to wipe down, and to put on some fabric. My crutches slipped, and I missed my footstep. I managed to avoid a catastrophic fall but couldn't avoid a tiptoe using my bad leg.

The pain was almost unbearable.

I couldn't tell if it was the bone or the muscle or the surgical scar.

I almost broke down in tears.

Now, the pain has subsided. Just hope that this mishap has not hinder my progress to recovery. 

The first Saturday

This day, mark my first Saturday after being immobilised. 

The withdrawal from hanging out with friends on weekend is pandemic,  it is absolutely unbearable.

But of course, for the sake of proper recovery, I have to force myself to be maintained home-bound.

This is a commitment I give to be able to be fit again, to be able to run and gun again, to be able to lift, to be able to play football.

On top of that, today also mark my first day without Arcoxia, a pain suppressing agent.

The swell on my foot is almost to a minimum level. I can start to see the shape of my ankle. But some discomfort were felt around the calf area, something not felt before this. Gotta be a bit more careful with my mobility exercise now and make sure I don't hurt any part of my leg risking recocery.

Quick day 3 update

This is more of a tweet rather than a full blogging post.

I almost fell down the stairs today.

Got my rhythm wrongly and the crutches were stuck on my underarm.

Good thing the stair rail was near and I instinctively dropped the crutches and grab hold onto the rail.

Big scare, but thank goodness nothing catastrophic happened.

Note to self: be extra careful up and down the steps with crutches.

Recovery day 2

Disclaimer:

Not day 2 post op. Day 2 back home.

It is actually the 5th day out from the operating theatre.

The pain is now much more bearable as compared to the first couple of days post op.

Also, good sign of recovery is starting to show. The swell is starting to subside.

A few days ago my feet (ankle down) looked like a ought-to-burst water balloon. Skin were stretched so tight they were smooth as baby's bottom.

Now the tip of the metatarsal (near toes) are almost fully visible. Toes are back into usual shape, well, almost.

On top of that, I actually had the best sleep last night ever since I broke my leg. A good 7 hours!

Brilliant stuff.

Recovery Day 1

Feels slightly different back home.

I sleep more at home because I have to move around either to do or get something.

Walking on crutches is extremely tiring.

Meh.

Everyday in the hospital I think to myself, what if I took that shot before the opponent came close? What if I fake the cross when he came to me? What if,  I just didn't turn up for football?

I would be still running and gunning now.

I am trying my best to be as bright and cheerful as possible. But, who the hell am I kidding?

After all, think of 6 weeks of total immobility, another 6 of teeth-biting physiotherapy. Really scares me to bits.

Nevertheless, I am grateful that I have wonderful friends and family around me. People who gave me support, gave me hope, gave me their time, most importantly,  shown their love.

For them, I am eternally grateful.

I shall stride pass these days with bravery  and I am determined to be back to my usual fitness, if not, even fitter.