Fallen again

Quick tweet-esque post:

I landed on my bad leg, again. I shall refrain from beer from now on until I recover.

Fallen

Today.

I fell.

Landed on my bad leg.

Fuck.

Work out withdrawal

Just realized I have not updated for almost a week.

There is little to no progress on my recovery now. At least on surface level. Hopefully my bones are joining and growing stronger each day.

Besides patiently waiting for the day I could walk again, I really miss piling on those plates on the barbell and workout those muscle and master those movement.

The lack of muscle aches for 2 months now is killing me.

Hope I'll be back to the plank soon.

Bali? No Bali.

I officially cancelled my dive trip to Bali today.

I was in a relatively good mood these few days.

Today, I feel as sad as the first day.

Chicken leg

It is getting more and more obvious. My right leg is significantly a lot thinner than my left.

Everytime I look at it. My heart sinks.

Hurdle

So I did my 2nd x-ray after my surgery.

Hoping for the best.

But it is not always the case, no?

I compared the 2 x-ray films side by side, a month apart in time frame.

I see... the same thing.

Doctor claimed that there were slight improvement in one part of the tibia, but not significant enough to allow me to put any weight on my bad leg.

I shouldn't have expected so much, thinking that I will heal in one month. Where every other article tells me it takes around 2 months to be able to start walking again.

All those excitement is now flushed down to nothing.

Back to square one now.

Next scheduled x-ray is 3 weeks from now. All I can do is to be extremely patient, and hope for the best but expect the worst.

30 days of pain

It was long over due.

To relax.

We changed our cloths, style our hair, and went for breakfast. Then, all hell broke lose.

The initial plan was to have breakfast, lunch, tea and coffee, drinks, dinner, more drinks, and stay up for the world cup final at 3am.

We managed to do almost all, except staying up for the game, lunch, and dinner.

3 grown straight men, stared at and talked to each other for a good 13 hours straight. If anyone didn't know us better, would think we are gay.

I'm not homophobic, disclaimer here.

We took off to town after a heavy but relatively unsatisfying breakfast for some coffee and soul searching chat. Which lasted far longer than anyone of us expected. Good chat though, lots of insight evaluation of what a man would, and can be. If you get what I mean.

When caffeine high kicked in, we needed to continue doing something and headed to Changkat. Taps beer bar to be precise. A place the guys chose for some certain significant memory. What a night it was.

So we had some beer there, hopped around Changkat for more beer, and before I know it, I was already drinking as if I was fit. I totally forgotten about my broken leg. I broke all promises I made to myself not to do, in one evening.

But, it was fun. Great catching up. Great chat.

And a visitor.

I am eternally grateful for the friends I have.

Day 22

Had a great chat with 2 of my closest friends. 

Something that will haunt me for a long ass time.

Week 3

What is the most difficult thing to handle at this stage of the recovery? 

Emotions.

This is the time when the wound, internal or external does not cause extreme discomfort. But, the bad leg is still unusable.

Many times I forgot and almost used my bad leg. Well, good thing is that I've not put full weight on the bad leg before realising. 

As the date of my cancelled trip draws nearer, I get more and more depressed. I'm already 11 months out from the ocean and who knows how long I need to be able to get back on the compressed air again.

Well, I guess all I can do is be strong. Be brave. Afterall, whatever don't kill you makes you stronger.

Weekend rant

This broken leg has really taken a toll on me. I feel lile I am semi-destroyed.

Last night I mistakenly got up from bed using my bad leg. Bad mistake. Immediately collapsed as I could immediately felt the weak spot in that bad leg.

I can't even perform simple tasks. Makes me feel so fucking useless. I don't like to feel useless. I need to be walking. I need to be in control of my free willing body.

I need motivation. I need to be strong. I need to learn to overcome obstacles during my darkest hours.

Day 15

My right calf is significantly smaller than the left.

I wonder what will happen when I fully recover.